Confession time. I adore the nostril-scorching smell of bleach. Not lemon-scented or pine-needle fresh, but unadulterated chlorine. That's right, the nasty stuff that kills off Nemo and his mates in our oceans and rivers. I read that mad women in New York get their nose hairs waxed – just pop into my house on a Thursday afternoon and save yourselves a fortune, ladies. Don't get me wrong,  my home isn't particularly clean or even tidy. I certainly don't recommend eating off the floor – though visiting toddlers often do.

 

I'm sure my bleach addiction stems from a childhood in America, home to 90% of the world's germaphobes* (*www.wehategerms.com). You'd never see an American advert featuring 'friendly bacteria'. In the land of springtime fresh, everything from tissues to loo roll smells sickly sweet – and is anti-bacterial.

 

Another confession. I recently bought some eco-friendly laundry soap and I hate it. It's not even a neutral scent, it's positively unpleasant. After re-washing two loads (definitely an express ticket to eco purgatory) I am back on Ecover, which gets points for being biodegradable – and for smelling nice. I'm really disappointed though. I wanted to give the little guys a try. Perhaps I should just buy a book on natural cleaning solutions. You know the routine, lemon juice, white vinegar (I am a big fan of malt, actually, but only made that mistake once) and elbow grease. It can be my new workout regime to stave off the middle-aged batwings. Saved by the bell: the postman's just delivered a box of samples from Home Scents (www.homescents.co.uk) and they smell gorgeous. The batwings are safe for the foreseeable future.